Last week, I started noticing my motivation and energy were at an all-time low. I was having a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning and was fighting brain fog throughout the day.
I've never been a morning person, but I've always considered myself highly self-motivated, and I'm usually able to get to the root of why I'm feeling a particular emotion. I felt disconnected from who I am at my core and couldn't figure out what was going on, until my husband finally suggested that I might be dealing with mild depression.
This isn't something I typically struggle with, so that caught me off guard. But I quickly realized he was right. And losing things to look forward to was part of the reason.
I'm an extreme introvert. I love spending most of my time at home. But I'm also a planner, and I love experiences. Throughout my life, I've used the anticipation of an upcoming adventure or connection with a friend as a source of joy, and as a major coping strategy.
According to this article, "Much of life's joy is wrapped up in expectation, in looking forward to a new adventure, a new enterprise, a new something. When life is stripped of anticipatory joy, when people can no longer make plans with confidence or look forward to vacations, weddings, or other happy events, they tend to struggle emotionally and psychologically."
So this turns out to be a normal coping strategy, one that can calm anxiety and overwhelm, help us feel more hopeful, and give us something positive to focus on. Remember, what you focus on you feel.
Why This Feels So Hard Right Now
There is so much stress and fear in the world today. Many of us don’t know whether our role will still exist in six months, everything feels impossibly expensive, and just opening social media is like stepping on a land mine.
When that much feels uncertain, planning starts to feel reckless. So we stop, and the joy that comes from looking forward to something stops right along with it.
This is our nervous system responding sensibly to a genuinely unsteady season. But it's also costing us more than we realize, because it turns out we need something to look forward to. Not to escape our lives. To be able to stay in them.
The good news is that creating anticipatory joy doesn't require a plane ticket or a bonus check. Sometimes the smallest things bring the greatest joy. Here are a few ways to start.
Take a day trip or a short drive somewhere new.
It doesn't have to cost much. If you haven't gotten away from your normal routine in a while, you'll be amazed at how much you needed the reset and the change of scenery. I'm speaking from experience.
Plan something outdoors over the weekend.
Go on a hike, visit a state park, find somewhere new to explore, or revisit somewhere you haven't been in a while. Most of these cost nothing but time. The goal is simply to get something on your calendar that pulls you out of your typical routine.
Learn something new, for free.
A library card, a podcast series, a free online course, the book that's been collecting dust on your shelf. This could be the season you finally start that thing you've been talking about for years, without spending a dollar to begin.
Make Space, Because No One Will Hand It To You
Here's what I've learned since my husband helped me see what was going on. No one is coming to give you more margin. There isn't a quieter season on the horizon where the load lightens and the time appears. If you want the space to do this kind of work, you have to take it, in smaller pieces than you think you need.
After gaining the awareness that I was disconnected from myself, I focused on ways I could reconnect. I carved out a little time alone with my journal and just started writing.
Writing has always been my go-to for processing, especially the deeper stuff, and this is true for many introverts. Journaling took me to some unexpected and often uncomfortable places, but it helped me understand the source of some deep hurts from my years in LA that had been quietly following me to Georgia. More importantly, it helped me let go of that hurt, which wasn't serving me at all, and feel so much lighter.
When it comes to our deepest feelings, like sadness, hurt, and regret, the only way out is through. The only way to release these emotions is to give ourselves time to process, uncover where they're coming from at the deepest level, and feel our way through them to the other side.
There's a reason and often a lesson behind everything we feel. You don't need a global pause to do this work. You need ten minutes and a notebook, and the willingness to actually sit still with what comes up.
A Word About Where We're Tempted To Find That Joy Instead
I want to name something honestly, because I probably think about this more than most people do.
A lot of us have started reaching for AI in the moments we used to reach for a person, myself included. It's there at 11 pm when a friend isn't. It will “listen” to our voice-to-text braindump, and remember more than the most attentive human ever could.
For an introvert running on a low battery, that ease can feel like relief.
I use AI every day, and I believe it's one of the best tools introverts have ever been handed. It can absolutely help you protect your energy, and the comfort it offers can have a real impact. But it's a different kind of comfort than the one that actually fills us back up, the kind that only comes from being known by someone who's known you a while.
Use it to process and work through your challenges, but invite your friends and partner into those as well.
Your Turn
If you’re feeling anything like I was, put one small thing you’re truly excited about on the calendar. If you’re a writer, write. If you’re an artist, create. If being outdoors makes you feel alive, go outside.
Pay attention to what your soul needs most, and give yourself that gift.