I’ve had Hillary Scott’s song Thy Will running through my head for weeks. It’s a song that moves me to tears almost every time I hear it because it requires such deep surrender to sing, especially these words in the second verse:
I know you’re good, but this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy, distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop, remember that you’re God
And I am not so, Thy will be done.
The song took on a much deeper meaning when I discovered that Hillary wrote it after a miscarriage.
Trust Without Understanding
It’s so hard to trust without understanding why things happen the way they do.
As someone who is constantly seeking understanding to untangle difficult emotions, thoughts, and circumstances in my mind, it feels like surrendering the key to acceptance.
But I suppose that’s exactly the point, because this kind of acceptance is gained through my very human understanding. It doesn’t require the level of unconditional trust and unwavering gratitude that leads to the deepest level of peace.
God calls us to trust Him and thank Him for all things. To be able to say He is good no matter what, and no matter how hard it is, to pray that His will be done.
The Tallest Order
This is an extremely tall order when you’re facing the most difficult challenge of your life.
I do my best to stay positive, and my typical process has been to look for the good in every situation. If I can see how even the smallest good can come from it, that leads to acceptance for me.
This almost always involves gratitude, but it doesn’t require the level of trust that God is asking for in order to lead me to His peace.
God is asking us to trust Him regardless of whether or not we understand why. Especially when we don’t understand.
Gripping Tightly to the Hand of God
Jesus Calling is my favorite devotional, and today’s says this: “The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with Me. Regardless of the day’s problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.”
I love the idea of gripping the hand of God as tightly as we possibly can when we’re in the middle of the toughest trials of our lives. To let go of our need to understand and instead, focus on learning how to tap into God’s strength, the only thing that will get us through.
But sometimes we can’t even think about experiencing God’s peace. It’s all about surviving one moment at a time. We can’t imagine praying for God’s will. We simply need to make it through the next five minutes.
And that’s okay.
Right Where You Are
The beauty of our Creator is that He meets us exactly where we are, giving us exactly what we need. All we have to do is ask Him, and create the space for Him to work in our lives.
I’ve learned that practicing this trust in the little things helps prepare me for the bigger things. And this is something that requires constant practice because human nature is to trust in our own strength instead of God’s.
When God Draws Near to You
If you’re in the middle of the most intense pain you’ve ever experienced, know that you are not alone. Whether you feel His presence or not, and whether you are asking for His strength or not, God is with you in that pain, carrying you through it when you don’t have the strength to walk another step.
I know this because I very intentionally made God the lowest priority in my life for almost a decade. And not only did He never give up on me, but He stayed closer to me than ever during that time, regardless of my choices.
He carried me when my heart was broken, and when I experienced the deepest levels of hurt that I was sure would break me. He was there, unconditionally loving me, carrying me, and slowly drawing me back into what would become a relationship with Him that was unrecognizable from the one I had before I walked away.
And to this day, I know that no matter what I go through, I can always rely on His strength and know He will be with me every step of the way.
As Hillary Scott says in Thy Will, my broken heart was part of God’s plan. The best thing I can remember is that He is God, and I am not.
Thy will be done.