Unworthy of Love
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been in the middle of a book – or three – that I don’t want to put down. My rule for fiction is always based on the love story. If there’s a good love story, I’ll read it. If not, I won’t. Oh, and that love story absolutely must end happily.
Books shaped my ideal and wrote my happily ever after story. I believed that my marriage would last forever because it was supposed to, and back then I didn’t know that marriages never last for that reason. I’ll never forget the day I knew we were going to separate – permanently. It didn’t feel real or right. A part of me died that day as my ideal picture shattered beyond restoration. I finally realize that this is what was supposed to happen.
I’ve been terrified of marriage because of that broken ideal. I now know what can happen, and I can’t unknow that. I’m afraid of yet another failure. I’m afraid of what others will think of me if it doesn’t last. To get to the heart of it, I’m afraid that if a second marriage ends, it confirms what my first should have conveyed: that I truly am unworthy of love and belonging.
Which isn’t true, for any of us. We were all created in the image of our Creator, and it doesn’t get more worthy or good enough than that! He is the only one who can show us what love and belonging should look like. Not only did He demonstrate this in the most powerful possible way, but if we pay attention, we’ll find evidence every single day.
True happiness, fulfillment, and joy don’t depend on a love that lasts a lifetime. If that happens, wonderful. But as I write this, I am making a commitment to detach myself from the outcome of my current relationship, as well as future relationships, if that’s what’s in the cards for me.
There is an incredible sense of freedom in this detachment because it separates my worthiness from the outcome as well. Regardless of whether I marry again and experience a lifetime of love or another devastating ending, or never marry at all – I am just as worthy.
Changing the characters in this story changes everything. It’s a reduction to remove the uncontrollable variables so that only you remain. You are the only one you can change and control, and true joy can only come from within.
So, I am changing my happily ever after story to include only two characters: myself and God. These are the new rules of my success story:
- Step into worthiness, every moment of every day.
- Love everyone who is in my life well, the very best I can.
- Become the woman I was created to be.
- Share my story, lessons, and gifts with the world.
- Do something that makes me feel every day.
Step, love, become, share, do – these words feel like freedom to me, and sharply contrast the fear that has been wrapped up in my original happily ever after story. This is my new story. I’d love to hear yours, in the comment section below.
If you’re interested in diving deeper into the story you’ve been telling yourself and learning the power of detachment, send me a message to schedule a free consultation. I’d love to support your journey.